1. |
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My girl and I we started fostering dogs
Shit’s a hassle but they help to keep her calm
She’s seen a lot so have those pups
They connect in a way that’s fun for me to watch
She’s young and she’s beautiful and she’s warm
But my head is always on what it’s on
My little projects some are decades long
Some near completion most are a ways off
Somehow scattered and at the same time fixated
I think I get that from my mom she’s such a busy lady
My girl’s making efforts to be more social
Says it would mean a lot if I would try it with her
Wall of flowers between myself and dinner guests
Chain and stanchion between myself and all the rest
Hot air between myself and any room
Flaming sword between myself and the whole wide world
That sort of information ties you to a song
You grow close to me and we form a bond
That’s how it works you, you buy in willfully
And this is as close as I get to intimacy
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2. |
Certainty of Paradise
02:29
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Is it possible to do a thing forever
And learn nothing? And get no better?
A voice, my own, replies “quite clearly
Now collect yourself get out there and entertain me”
I put myself through a thing
And I loved it
I put myself through a thing
And I loved it
Help me straighten and then please hold me
I’m bent in parts and partially broken
An ache subsides long enough to return
As a stabbing pain that sends me to the floor
I put myself through a thing
I loved it
I put myself through a thing
And I loved it
These things take time sometimes lives
Can’t be angry. I read what I signed
Nice to be called. More than many get
Efforts to learn have yielded nothing yet
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3. |
No Analog Nor Precedent
04:04
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A craft question I sometimes wonder “could it be vague is a virtue?”
Let people hear what they hear, let people take what they want to
Or is the magic in specifics? are fine details what leave a mark?
Is it time, place, event, and people, the linking adverbs equal art?
There’s a rumor I’ve read about Talk Talk’s ‘It’s My Life’
That it’s sung from the vantage of a loving family pet
The notion turned me on my head, made music not the same
From a thing I enjoyed at distance, to one that makes my eyes wet
Oh Christ, Christ it’s that time again
Oh Christ its that time again
To feel and let new ideas in
Tactile sensation, shag carpet kisses cheek
My drool moistened face, my stiff legs are asleep
I don’t want to move I don’t think I’ll move.
I get it now
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4. |
Watcher At the Well
04:20
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Unwell people believe in presence of an influencing machine
Chips in their heads or necks telling them how to behave
It’s not a sexy topic but it’s one my brain goes to often
Mental health and what it entails and fully means
When I worked on Skid Row I’d call my folks twice a day
Say, “thank you for the stable home and thanks for the place to stay”
I don’t pray but sometimes I find something worthy of praise
Nature, God, I’m grateful for the problems I’ve got
their scope and scale and what they are and what they are not
I like to see for myself
I like to touch it without gloves
All things relative
But I prefer to defer to people who clearly have it worse
I prefer to defer
I was a janitor in a place where the really sick people hide
Where the furniture is too broad and heavy to be thrown and that’s by design
Gave me perspective or at least it lent it or at least forced me to reflect on it
Here’s what I took away from my time inside or my time passing by on my way to some other era of my life
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5. |
Nobody Who Matters Cares
04:32
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Forgot and left
Mental health
Bad news
Nobody who matters cares
Raw and worn
Beat and swollen
I know
Nobody who matters cares
Late and let go
Downsized and broke
Sorry friend
Nobody who matters cares
Wrongly killed
Killer let go
Goddamn
Nobody who matters cares
Late with rent
Eviction pending
It’s rough
Nobody who matters cares
Lame and withered
Distressed and panicked
But still
Nobody who matters cares
Tyrants rise
World is ending
So long
Nobody who matters cares
Hell’s door opens
And I dance my way in
Me included:
Nobody who matters cares
For a moment I found myself open
To words and ideas of a certain kind
For a moment I found myself open
To words and ideas but they was mostly lies
I don’t trust none of ya to see what’s in front of ya
Please pick one it’s dumb or blind
Stick to your love songs people about people in love
It’s hard to sing those songs that people love about people in love
It’s hard to sing those songs people love about people in love
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6. |
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Dumb kid decisions through the lens of an dumb adult
Walls you went around, broke down, and built
Choke went to Berlin to have his awakening
Mohammad went to the mountain, no patience
You’re a bit like him, you took a job at the station
Choke went to Berlin to have his awakening
Things you said and why’d you fight that kid I don’t remember
Seemed like I was angry or something maybe
Choke went to Berlin to have his awakening
Porcell had to try one last time
Brass ring hanging by horsehair overhead
Choke went to Berlin to have his awakening
Steve kicked a man’s head from his body
Caught on video but there’s no body
Choke went to Berlin to have his awakening
Good stories and real life don’t overlap
But cinderblock through windshield, I choose to believe in that
Choke went to Berlin to have his awakening
Street people do street people things
Found a way to direct that high school rage
Choke went to Berlin to have his awakening
The way you think it is as a kid gives way to difficult but unavoidable days that underline and highlight that you’ve been doing it wrong and for so long you can’t crawl your way back to reasonable you have to swing violently to the other side which as it turns out isn’t violent at all but mild and neutral and bland and pablum and sand for your landing cotton for your tongue
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7. |
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You never finish anything
It’s rather Arthur Russell
I like done and over
Rather Greenway in that way
You’re sad but charming
A cut from Nick Drake
I obsess over endings
I’m a bit like Bill Fay
You want point of reference
Lit like Lloyd Cole
I prefer bold statements
Coleman speaks my language
You’re big on wordplay
Into the arms of Nick Cave
I don’t mind being yelled at
Brannon does it for me
You like to dance and go out
Wire while you get ready
I don’t leave the apartment
Newman solo makes sense
You want new thoughts
Kate Bush on ready
I repeat myself often
Like a senile Mark Smith
Explaining motherhood to a man
Cold observation but he’s not capable of understanding
Detailing math to a dog
Won’t retain a word but if you’re lucky he may be a good boy and nod
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8. |
Raw Contempt
03:36
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Like most men
I swing
From extremes
I range
From empathetic
to naked cruel
Ugly words
Like most men
Manifest in
What I spit at you
Fine at times
And others not
Gnaw through leg
Whenever caught
Carry worry
Like most men
At base of my neck
Root through
All those feelings
For one I love best
Like a rat in trash
Caught when
The compactor comes
And puts thoughts to rest
Like most men
I swing
Like most men
I can be mean
Like most men
I sink
Like most men
I swing
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9. |
Slavish Devotion to Form
02:58
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Give directions to the deaf
With pointing gestures
Talk the glory of god
With some fool believers
They say I’ve gotta engage with the world and the people living in it
But I stay open to second opinions
They say if I want want things
Or even to just want to stay healthy
These are the terms the world offers and I’ve have to meet it halfway
But I don’t buy that exposure to sick will ever help me
Talk in circles with a bigot
For what payoff?
Yell with an angry mob
In that way get off
They say I’ve gotta engage with the world and the people in it
But I stay open to second opinions
They say if I want want things
Or even to just want to stay healthy
These are the terms the world offers and I’ve have to meet it halfway
Punch an old head
Break your fist
In 40 years
Be gone and dead
They say engage with the world
And the people living in it
I’ll be reading my comic books instead
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10. |
The Right Kind of Adult
04:02
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Often is what it is
So be it if it bleaches coral
Junkies get it
It can’t be explained to children
The world’s not turning for you and the road never rises
You’re eking out a living like every other asshole
I just follow drums
I speak my peace in time
Or sometimes not
As I’m often off
Full spite full stop why stop at nose
when you can hack and separate your skull from throat?
Why pause at your chest just go all in
Quarter yourself from your neck to your toes
I just follow drums
I speak my peace in time
Or sometimes not
As I’m often off
Call anyone enough and they’ll answer
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11. |
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Self Defense Family Cohoes, New York
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