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Performative Guilt

by Self Defense Family

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  • "Performative Guilt" 12" - Ltd. Clear Red Vinyl
    Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Released by 6131 Records. Limited to 200.

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1.
Heron built awkward Heron kid’s not good in his skin So he clears some space to let some bad in Heron made gangly Heron got a disquiet way So he decides to let the bad stay Sparrow he seems happy Sparrow he’s not so engaged Always dancing to music not being played Sparrow recognized me Sparrow would try to talk Struggled with words often drifted off Some of the kids from high school Don’t make it deep into adulthood They step in front of cars They die on foreign shores They love pills too deeply They find themselves with diseases Some of the kids from high school Don’t make it deep into adulthood
2.
To death I lost a friend Odd among the odd ones A jock of quiet thoughts And then somber outcomes And I love any man About whom it can be said Forged and walked his path And was never led There’s a funny itch When someone leaves abruptly In those folds of grey Like they just got stuck there No poetry I just miss him I won’t try to be clever I just miss him To death I lost a friend Odd among the odd ones A jock of quiet moments And then somber outcomes And I love any man About whom it can be said Forged and walked his path And was never led
3.
Future Girls 02:45
Jill was a born outsider Didn’t dress or act like much of anyone else I tried to sneak her into shows But she drew too much attention to herself She liked to speak and look loud And met stares with a fuck you Here I make it about me And how I should’ve kept an eye out Jill was running in those circles Of those friends who die in shifts Clearly I should’ve spoke up But she wouldn’t’ve listened if I did It’s a worthless melodrama And a performative type of guilt For me to look back now And pretend I could’ve helped Still she’s often in my thoughts Maybe moreso than closer friends It’s a loss that feels familial I couldn’t say just why that is Can’t offer much advice If you’ve got a Jill in your world Instead I’ll just go quiet And we can all give a moment to silly girls
4.
I’m not a counselor poet or priest All I can offer is songs rolling in grief I’m not a counselor poet or priest All I can offer is songs rolling in grief I manage two notes and often the wrong one Sad tributes stand in the place of love I manage two notes and often the wrong one Sad tributes stand in the place of love Decent with feelings not much for words I end up all chorus and lack a full verse Decent with feelings not much for words I end up all chorus and lack a full verse An album for dead kids and dead young adults Moaning to gravesites to process old hurts An album for dead kids and dead young adults Moaning to gravesites to process old hurts

credits

released April 19, 2019

Recorded by Jackson Long and Phil Jones
Cover Photography by Reid Haithcock

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Self Defense Family Cohoes, New York

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