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Performative Guilt

by Self Defense Family

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  • "Performative Guilt" 12" - Ltd. Clear Red Vinyl
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credits

released April 19, 2019

Recorded by Jackson Long and Phil Jones
Cover Photography by Reid Haithcock

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Self Defense Family Cohoes, New York

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Track Name: Rest in Peace for the Error Shall Not Be Repeated
Heron built awkward
Heron kid’s not good in his skin
So he clears some space to let some bad in
Heron made gangly
Heron got a disquiet way
So he decides to let the bad stay

Sparrow he seems happy
Sparrow he’s not so engaged
Always dancing to music not being played
Sparrow recognized me
Sparrow would try to talk
Struggled with words often drifted off

Some of the kids from high school
Don’t make it deep into adulthood
They step in front of cars
They die on foreign shores
They love pills too deeply
They find themselves with diseases
Some of the kids from high school
Don’t make it deep into adulthood
Track Name: Awaiting Acknowledgement
To death I lost a friend
Odd among the odd ones
A jock of quiet thoughts
And then somber outcomes
And I love any man
About whom it can be said
Forged and walked his path
And was never led
There’s a funny itch
When someone leaves abruptly
In those folds of grey
Like they just got stuck there

No poetry I just miss him
I won’t try to be clever I just miss him

To death I lost a friend
Odd among the odd ones
A jock of quiet moments
And then somber outcomes
And I love any man
About whom it can be said
Forged and walked his path
And was never led
Track Name: Future Girls
Jill was a born outsider
Didn’t dress or act like much of anyone else
I tried to sneak her into shows
But she drew too much attention to herself
She liked to speak and look loud
And met stares with a fuck you
Here I make it about me
And how I should’ve kept an eye out

Jill was running in those circles
Of those friends who die in shifts
Clearly I should’ve spoke up
But she wouldn’t’ve listened if I did
It’s a worthless melodrama
And a performative type of guilt
For me to look back now
And pretend I could’ve helped
Still she’s often in my thoughts
Maybe moreso than closer friends

It’s a loss that feels familial
I couldn’t say just why that is
Can’t offer much advice
If you’ve got a Jill in your world
Instead I’ll just go quiet
And we can all give a moment to silly girls
Track Name: Don't Wait to Be Murdered to Defend Yourself
I’m not a counselor poet or priest
All I can offer is songs rolling in grief
I’m not a counselor poet or priest
All I can offer is songs rolling in grief

I manage two notes and often the wrong one
Sad tributes stand in the place of love
I manage two notes and often the wrong one
Sad tributes stand in the place of love

Decent with feelings not much for words
I end up all chorus and lack a full verse
Decent with feelings not much for words
I end up all chorus and lack a full verse

An album for dead kids and dead young adults
Moaning to gravesites to process old hurts
An album for dead kids and dead young adults
Moaning to gravesites to process old hurts

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